DISILLUSIONED WITH GOD?

I have had some recent conversations with awesome Christian friends who tell me they are struggling to trust Father. In days previous to learning the extent of Father’s love, I might have gasped, grabbed them by the hand, and said, “I’ll pray for you!” I know I used to think not being able to trust God was an indicator of my rapidly failing spiritual life. Now my response is, “Awesome! I’m glad you are growing in your spiritual walk!”

There are many times in our spiritual walks where it seems our Abba Father has failed us. It is easy to trust Him when circumstances are pleasant, life seems to be moving along smoothly and there are no crises looming on the horizon. But what do we do when everything blows up in our faces: a loved one is lost to cancer, the car breaks down and the bill is $1,000, or an earthquake in a foreign country decimates the capital city’s population?

Let’s imagine for a moment that your roof on your home is leaking. You’ve asked two companies to give you bids for a new roof. The first company comes out and after taking a look at the roof, gives you an estimate of $11,000 to replace the roof. This bid is right in line with what you have researched. The second company comes out and after looking at the roof, gives you a bid of $500. When you ask them why the cost is so much lower than the first company, they inform you that the entire roof does not need to be replaced. They found the spot where it is leaking and determined that a very good repair of that location would only cost $500. Who would you trust more?

One act of integrity can secure a working relationship forever, and Father demonstrated His one act of integrity in the cross. By taking our sin into Himself and destroying it, at the cost of His Son, He demonstrated His love for us. His one act of integrity is a constant source where we can place our trust.

Hearing this and putting it into action are two different things entirely. It is difficult learning to trust when others have hurt us. Father knows this and His love during this growth process grows with every step we take.

Here’s a concept I had not heard put quite so succinctly. Wayne Jacobsen states: “When Jesus asked people to “repent and believe” the gospel, He was not asking them to be sorry for their sins and embrace an orthodox theology. He was asking them to forfeit their own agenda and embrace His. That’s the invitation to the kingdom. It is not whether we want to go to heaven or hell, but whether we want to trust God or continue trusting ourselves.”

Matthew 5:3 (The Message) states, “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule.”

My friends are growing in their spiritual walk. The realization that they have a difficult time placing their trust in Father is much better than the complacency I used to live in… under the illusion that I was in control of things or that I was trusting Him completely. Learning to live in the confidence of Father’s love in the midst of my life falling apart is the most difficult thing I have ever begun, but it gets easier.

Four things I’m learning on my God Journey:
1. This God Journey I’m on will be a lifetime of learning more about Father's love for me and trusting Him and His love, in good times AND bad.
2. Even in the disillusionment He is perfecting me more into the image of His Son.
3. Father gains joy in the process of taking me, disillusioned in Him, into learning how to live as His beloved daughter.
4. I can choose to cooperate with Him and embrace His process.

Footnote: The author uses the concepts in He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection, Chapter 19 to make some points in this blog.

Compassion is a Lifestyle

Today after church my son Ian came into the office. His lips were quivering and he was obviously on the verge of huge crocodile tears. I was surprised as I had no idea what he was upset about. He came to me and, starting to cry, handed me some change. He said, "Mom, I want to give this for those kids in Haiti" and burst into tears. I asked him why he was crying and his response reduced me to tears. He said... "Because that's all I have to give."

I'm reminded of Jesus pointing out the widow who gave two mites and how He said she was blessed because of her sacrificial giving. Ian gave up his last twenty-four cents and that meant a lot, especially since he has been wanting to buy a game for his game boy advance that he purchased from his savings.

Mike and I loved on him and affirmed his heart of giving. Mike told Ian how Jesus multiplied the little boy's bread and fish in order to feed 5,000 people. Suddenly, I remembered something! Before Christmas, we were gifted with a $25 gift card to Nazarene Compassionate Ministries. Mike and I committed to sitting down with the kids and finding a project we wanted to gift with that $25. Soon after that commitment we were gifted with $75 more in NCM gift cards.

Christmas season came and went and those gift cards were still in our desk drawer. Today, in each of our boys' names, $25 was given to NCM for the Caribbean Disaster Relief (ACM1204) at www.ncm.org.

Today Ian witnessed God's love and miracle of multiplying his twenty-four cents by 416 times to $25! I'm excited to learn how much further that .24 will be multiplied... God has plans for Ian and his sensitive heart. I am so thankful he listened to God's voice guiding him in this giving.

If you feel God is asking you to give, there are many avenues for giving open to you. The Red Cross, Nazarene Compassionate Ministries and many more organizations are available and needing the funds you can provide.

I don't want this to be a "fundraising" post in my blog. What I want to emphasize here is the sensitivity our hearts are created with to hear Father's voice prompting us to step out of our comfort zone. I pray that my kids will always listen for their Father's voice to lead them through each day. And I pray that you will hear Father's voice, calling to you... calling to the ones He loves. If you want to listen to this song, scroll to the bottom of my blog for a video...and think on this...the chorus could be reversed. Imagine Father singing over you, "I am running, running after you. You've become my soul's delight."

“I hear the voice

It’s the voice of the One I love

He’s calling my name

I hear the voice

The voice of the One I love,

He's calling my name

He's saying…

Come up higher

I hear the angels sing

Come up higher, my beloved

Come up higher and leave this world behind

I find you to be beautiful

I am running, running after You

You've become my soul’s delight

I am running, running after You

Here with You I find my life.”

Did you know?

It is amazing what I learn from the Word when I'm reading it with the intensity of learning more about Father's love for me!

To set the scene, Abraham was promised a son but Sarah got impatient and gave her servant Hagar to Abraham as a concubine. Hagar had a son and named him Ishmael. Ishmael was in his late teens when Isaac was born to Sarah and Hagar. The Bible says that Sarah saw Ishmael mocking Isaac and she turned against Hagar. Abraham gave Hagar some bread and one skin of water and sent her off into the wilderness of Beersheba."

Okay, that much I'm assuming most of you know. And I'm sure you are aware that Hagar and Ishmael almost died in the wilderness, but God provided a well for them.

I'm not sure why, but my understanding always was that once Ishmael and Hagar were sent away, their relationship with Abraham, Sarah and Isaac came to a complete end.

BUT I learned something NEW this week while working through Genesis in my daily Bible reading. Genesis 25 discusses the death of Abraham. Verse 8 and 9: "Abraham breathed his last and died in a ripe old age, an old man and satisfied with life; and he was gathered to his people. Then his sons ISAAC AND ISHMAEL (emphasis mine) buried him in the cave of Machpelah, in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, facing Mamre.

It sounds to me, from this Scripture reference and a couple of others, that Isaac had contact with his brother Ishmael. In any family, it would seem that if a son were exiled he would not be allowed at the funeral. So my best guess is that the relationship was somewhat amicable. Amazing what I can find when I dig into the Word! Are you digging into the Word?

A Day I Lived "Less Loved"

From a journal entry on Sunday, 1-3-2010:

I felt sick today and decided to stay home from church. I really felt God drawing me to some audio recordings by Wayne Jacobsen (http://www.lifestream.org/audio-library.php), so I’ve listened to a couple of them. During my listening, Father has gently brought me back into living loved. Wayne is right when he says in his book (chapter 17, He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection) that we can’t make the choice to live loved once for a lifetime.

This choice is made every day in every circumstance in which I find myself. Do I trust that Father loves me even in this, or will I fall back on my own wisdoms and desires? What a question!

I’ve been struggling with this illness all week, but decided I would ride it out without seeing a doctor because we didn’t have the finances to pay for one. Yesterday, Mike insisted I go to the Take Care clinic at Wal-greens. In fact, his words to me were: “Let me love you by taking you there and taking care of you.” That could very well have been the Father’s words to me through Mike.

But on that day, I relapsed into my own wisdom and desires. I didn’t relax into Father’s love, through Mike. Rather, at first I refused to go. Then I began to look for ways to pay the bill, even after Father through Mike said not to worry about it.
With resentment, worry, and anger I tromped into Walgreens. Eighty-two dollars, a diagnosis of NOT STREP, and a wasted thirty minutes later, I tromped back out with resentment still riding my back. Because of my refusal to live loved yesterday, I hurt myself and I hurt others.

I missed the chance to live loved by my husband, who was living loved by Father and loving me. I missed the chance to live loved by Father when I was told I didn’t have strep. I missed too the chance to live loved by Father when the clerk told us we would be billed for services rendered.

Father in every way was loving me and I completely missed it! I made the choice on this day and in this circumstance to live less loved.

“Father, I know there is nothing I can do to cause you to love me more…or less. I failed the challenge of life in Your kingdom to lived loved, trusting that Your eye is on me. Since I do know you as my Abba Father, I know we can start new today, and I’m loved no less for my failures from yesterday. Father, today would you show me your love? Would you show me today how you are building a relationship with me? Help me to relax into your love.”

Matthew 6:32-34 (The Message): “What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concern will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

More Than You Can Imagine!

Today, KLOVE's encouraging word was from Ephesians 3:20 (NLT): "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

I've been listening to Wayne Jacobsen's podcasts called "The God Journey" (found here: http://thegodjourney.com/) and they have been awesome. In one podcast, Wayne and Brad Cummings were discussing what life held for them that day. Wayne said that he wakes up each day and asks, "Father, lead me to the person you would like for me to meet today" and "Show me Father what you have for me today."

The discussion progressed and one of them mentioned something I had not considered before. When we gather around us our expectations of that day, we can seriously undermine God's perfect plan for us. Our expectations of how a situation might go or how we might meet a certain person are so puny compared to God's all-knowing, all-powerful plan. When we force our expectations on the day, person or event, we limit God's power in our lives.

I think this Scripture encompasses that line of thought... There is NO WAY I could have asked, thought of, or even imagined what God has done in my life these past 9 months! His work in me has accomplished infinitely MORE than I would have ever dreamed; and all glory MUST go to Him for His work in my life!

I know this blog has been sporadic, but I am hoping to change that. As my Word time has solidified and become a habit, my new goal for this year is to make this blog a habit. I want others to see Father's love for me, in me and through me and to desire that love for themselves. I would encourage you to read the book He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father's Affection by Wayne Jacobsen.

Saturated in His Love,

Jody