I Need A Savior...

I've been thinking a lot about what holiness can mean in my life. I want to be open to those who hold me accountable. I want to not need the approval of others, but rely on the approval of my heavenly Father. I want to be available for Him to use me whenever and wherever He chooses. I want to be content in my daily life, and not desire more "things" or "status."

What I want more than any of that, though, is a love relationship like William P. Young wrote about in The Shack. I read that last year in about four hours and using half a box of tissues. As I look back on my reading of that book and try to dissect why it affected me so much, it becomes quite obvious to me. I crave the kind of relationship that Papa, Jesus and the Spirit demonstrate in their conversations with each other. Don't we all want someone to love on us like that? I literally sobbed as I read through that part, and I know now it was because that was the deepest longing of my heart - that love connection. As Mac starts experiencing that love, it starts to flow out of him to those around him - even those who don't necessarily deserve it.

I remember thinking that if I could feel that kind of love, everything would be okay. And you know what? I was right! I just didn't know how to get there at the time. But God began to develop that desire in my heart and through the circumstances of life, drew me to Him this past April. I gave it all to Him: everything and He gave it all back to me: everything! All of the love that I so desperately longed for is now filling me so much that it begins to seep out of my pores and flow into others around me.

Here is a song that I'm enjoying more and more as I listen to KLOVE:

Among The Thirsty - I'd Need A Savior
From the album Wonder

How many names can I use to explain the love of my Jesus,
the life that he gave and so many times will I praise you today.
I lift up my life 'cause you're always the same
And my offering to you I bring

Chorus:
Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You're the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You're what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I'd need a Savior.

How many songs can I sing to proclaim your wondrous love and beauty so great?
What would I say if you brought down the rain and everyday
I walk through the pain my heart would still say:

Chorus:

You're what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through
All the days of loss, to the cross you knew
I'd need a Savior.
I'd need a Savior
I need you, Savior

That's my reality. I need you, Savior. You are my Friend. I need you; you bring me through everything. You have a plan for my life, to bless me and prosper me. Thank you, Abba Father, for showing me Your love for me. I'm so thankful that I have made Your love the one TRUTH in my life. Amen.

My Agenda Versus HIS Agenda

Pastor Jimmy preached on Sunday about being fishers of men. He said to all of us, “We were all at one time a fish.” He mentioned how we often start to follow Jesus because of our own agendas, whether it be, “He’ll make me a better person, mom, wife, etc.” or “He’ll save me from burning in hell.” So often, the first agenda we have when we come to salvation is one based in fear. But in his Word, it is clear that fear and love are polar opposites. We are relational beings created by a God who desires for us to relate to Him in love, not in fear. God desires for us to move past a fear-based relationship and fall in love with him.

The following paragraph is compiled, quoted and summarized in large part from “He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection by Wayne Jacobsen

So often we sit in church and think that conformity to God’s ways will lead us closer to him, when the opposite is true. If we focus on our fears and performance, God seems more distant. It is only by living in the security of God’s affection that he is able to transform us. Fears cannot produce the holiness God wants to share with us. It is incapable of doing so. For God to transform us to be like him, he must expel our fear and teach us the wonder of living in his love. God knows that responding to his love will take you much further than fear ever could. That’s why love must first deal with your fears. “Perfect love drives out fear.” “The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (I John 4:18) God wants you to know his love so completely that fearing him will have no place in your life. When you are absolutely convinced (emphasis mine) of how much God loves you, that knowledge will drive out every fear you have. Until you experience the reality of God’s love (and truly believe it!) and grow to trust him with the details of your life, you will not break free from the power of self. But when his love touches you, you will discover there is nothing more powerful in the entire universe. It is more powerful than your failures, your sins, your disappointments, your dreams and even your fear. God knows that when you tap the depths of his love, your life will forever be changed. Nothing can prevail over it; and nothing else will lead you to taste of his kind of holiness.

Why do I write about this? It is because I have begun to tap the depths of God’s love for me, and I want to share it with you. We all grow up singing the song, “Jesus loves me; this I know,” but do you really truly know it? Do you believe that Jesus loves you for who you are? I thought I did, but I realized that I didn’t believe that he could love me, especially with all the sins I’ve committed. It was head knowledge but not a heart belief. I’ve been on a journey these past few months that has led me to the solid assurance, knowledge, and core belief that I am a lovable person. I am emptied of me and I am filled up with His love. I am created by my Abba Father; He formed me in my mother’s womb. I am created to be loving, passionate about my beliefs, expressive and strong. God loves me!! I know this! I wish I could describe this experience that our church calls sanctification and holiness in words that would make you crave it like you do chocolate or coffee. I find that my adjectives are woefully inadequate. I feel saturated with his love. My words and actions have become based more on my love relationship with my Abba Father than on what others may think or say. Nope. I’m not perfect. ☺ But I am being perfected in His love. I am learning that it is possible to live daily without sinning. I have struggled in my Christian walk with certain sins that I would repent of and then repeat the next day. What is different? Then I repented out of fear and struggled to live a Christian life based in fear of going to hell. Now, I’m not inclined to sin because it separates me from my Abba Father. I love him so much and feel his love for me to such a degree that it physically and spiritually hurts when there is separation. You too can live in this love relationship. Ask God in the days ahead to reveal the depths of his love for you.